WORDS: PRATITI MEUNIER
Everyone wants to be the sun to brighten up someone’s life,
but why not be the moon, to shine on someone’s darkest hour? – Unknown
I feel it is not easy for me at this moment to talk about Be the Light.
Globally and individually we have been going through a unique time filled with uncertainty, unknown, death, fear, chaos, limitations, restrictions, immobility, incongruences, confusion, and so on: The most unexpected and massive crises in years.
It is my belief that Humanity, as one body, is going through a massive and collective trauma.
As individuals, in our lives, we are coping with the unknown in the best possible way, with the tools that we have, with the awareness that we have, with the support that we have.
We have been bombed in this last year with connection, over the connection, positive strategies, advice, spiritual sharing, teachings, lessons, massive broadcasts of prayers, songs, love, support, exercises, meditation, self-care, self-worth, self-respect, self-vision… self alone at home.
They invite us to use this time at home to learn, to start a new hobby, to practice, to move, to meditate, to be silent, to connect, to shine, to rise, to go out of the comfort zone, to risk, to be visible, to show up or act out.
We try very hard to break the imposed distance giving us the feeling that we are connecting with the entire world and, at the same time, this action is leaving us still with this space within that long for real contact, a live hug, and the physical presence of another human being.
Make a pause here….
For a moment, stop to read….
What are you noticing as you are going through these words?
Which sensations you notice are rising in your body, in your heart?
Which thoughts are coming to your mind?
Maybe memories of what you have been going through?
Are they pleasant? Unpleasant?
Are they making you feel expanded? Contracted?
Are they making you feel solid, safe, and stable? Or shaky, afraid and insecure?
Are they allowing you to breathe easily? Or suddenly your chest feels tide and the air cannot enter so fluently?
Extreme situations like the one that we are living in can awake buried unresolved wounds in our lives, breaking all our defenses built up to not feel them anymore and inevitably they come to the surface for us to remember them.
Sure we can say that this can be an opportunity for us to see, heal and grow.
And yet, even if I can agree with this, I don’t take away the fact that staying with what is emerging is very painful, exhausting, and hard work to do.
We touch the spaces of hopelessness, despair, fears, panic, helplessness, unworthiness, shame, and all those unwanted feeling and emotions that we hid in our inner wounds because… nobody wants to feel so shitty.
It is a raw experience to stay present with what is emerging and wants to be held. It is a kind of surreal scene of Mogwai multiplying themselves after being wet and feed after midnight. We cannot manage to hide anymore all the Gremlins surfacing.
Personally and professionally I have been dealing with this scenario very often in the last year.
I assure you that is a very unpleasant place to be and yet, staying with what it is increases our capacity of resilience, brings us our dignity, trust, and strength back, our ground, and calm in our Hearts.
Which has been the key for this to happen?
Relational resources are fundamental for traumatic healing.
We heal in connection, not in isolation.
Offering an empathic and attune connection, a non-judgmental presence, acknowledging the difficult situation that the other is going through, without trying to fix it or heal it or solved it but rather staying in resonance with what the other is feeling, supports self-regulation by co-regulation.
To have a person (partner, friend, or therapist) to whom we can trust, with whom we can feel safe to open ourselves as we are: broken, lost, in pain, raw and feel we have been received with respect and empathy, is part of the key to holding a loving presence:
I feel you feel me, I feel you and I feel you how you are feeling me.
Being the Moon to shine on someone’s darkest hour is a precious place to be.
It brings emotional connection, respect, coherence, integrity, and the understanding that we are not alone in this.
Whenever we are called to hold the space for somebody, a friend, a partner, or our clients, who are navigating through turbulent waters, let’s be a nice human, let’s be the moon to his/her dark time and, remember: They/We only need to feel that we are not wrong, that we are not alone, that we are held by a loving presence and that we have the capacity to bounce back when the time will be right. This is enough to start to reconnect with the Light that we all have inside.
I wish I could show you when you are lonely or in darkness
the astonishing light of your own Being. – Hafiz
