WORDS: ADRIAN DE GROOT
COVER PHOTO: MIA MEDAKOVIC
Doesn’t this theme sound paradoxical, as so often we are told “to boldly go where no man has gone before?”, borrowing this phrase from the Startrek TV series. Such kind of cosmic travels surely takes daring. Kind of analogous to “no pain, no gain.” We are told often to be brave, to overcome any fears, to face ourselves, to get out of our comfort zones.
So, daring sounds good, it can indeed break personal barriers, discover new things, overcome fears and phobias, bring you to new plateaus, make you grow spiritually, raise your vibration, and a host of other benefits you can imagine.
Thus: when NOT to dare? Of course when the motivation behind it is unrealistic, uneducated, childish, or otherwise foolish and the outcome harmful or worse. You can’t daringly jump out of a building simply because you don’t believe in gravity; only Bugs Bunny can do this! But humor aside, it’s human nature to proceed with caution and to ponder whether daring has any benefits at all. Will it be better not to dare?
Naturally, daring or not daring something has to be a personal choice, made in total freedom. If you dare or not dare something because of peer pressure, family, religion, culture, fashion, etc., the outcome may be beneficial, but it can also be quite harmful, physically or mentally. Take the kind of daring to impress others in order to boost your ego. An extreme example: how many young people in a party spirit have been in car crashes by the driver being dared to go faster and faster? So, we can easily think of other scenarios where not daring is the better and wiser thing to do.
Naturally, if you are not yet ready and need more time before you jump onto the dare bandwagon, it’s beneficial to wait before making a bold step. Even wine needs time for optimal flavor. In my native The Netherlands we often say that “hasty speed is seldom good.”
There is also the saying “Speaking is silver, and silence is gold.” We have all done this: we dare to speak or blurt out our own and even strong opinion when silence would have been better. We uttered from our hasty and often interrupting egos, rather than from a loving, listening and patient heart. We tried to impress, but got the opposite result. Our dare then turns into regret and apologies follow.
So, “Dare not to dare” can definitely apply in such situations: we think firsts, contemplate first and ask ourselves the question: “Am I going to speak from a heart of love? Will what I say help the other person?” To be wise, you often have to be a golden silent first, and then daring not to dare is the best kind of golden daring.
You see, applying this on a broader scale, not to make a decision is nevertheless actually a form of making a decision, and thus not to dare can therefore also be the boldest form of daring as well, the daring not to dare, especially when you were tempted by the impulse or the peer pressure to quickly dare something. Saying “No” and staying true to yourself can be a powerful and bold and thus daring decision.
Quiet contemplation, taking a step backwards, inner reflection, and perhaps even looking kind of weak or wimpy on the outside to others, who may question your “cowardly” inaction, your not being “daring” or brave enough in the long run will reveal how bold, daring and wise you actually were. By holding back and by paying close attention to your inner world. Isn’t that kind of daring not to dare, actually daring in a very noble form? I am aware that the distinction between daring or not daring is beginning to blur a bit, but then again everything in life depends on the present situation.
The big question of course is: Is it necessary to be a daring person? To be super adventurous? To always be brave? Always on the move, always exploring new things? Sounds exciting and it can certainly lift your spirits and even raise your vibrations, but even a fast moving car needs to stop and refuel. After all, what is your true self?
Let’s take a look at the animal world: some animals appear very daring, like tigers, cats and crows, while other animals seem very timid, like doves, turtles, rabbits, salamanders, etc. And yet, there is total harmony in nature. Like Yin and Yang in balance.
So, daring not to dare can be great, not to follow the crowds so to say, but boldly making your own decisions from the heart, asking yourself what will I gain from daring or not daring by weighing the anticipated outcomes against one another.
Needless to say, to dare something can be an act of arrogance to one degree or another, and not to dare a sign of humility. Now, there is also false humility. For example, by preventing someone from their joy of serving you by your so-called polite way of what amounts to rejecting kind gestures. For example, someone is visiting you and you offer coffee and cookies, but your guest “politely” refuses. Such so-called humility is actually often misplaced, because if robs the host from expressing loving kind gestures. But this is material for another discussion.
But at least we can say that not to dare can be arrogance as well, and to dare can be actually humility; and you don’t necessarily have to finish all the coffee and eat all the cookies. Also, I believe that anything done that promotes the reality and atmosphere of freely giving and receiving love, that such unconditional love exactly makes it totally harmless for you to drink some coffee and have a cookie. Unselfish receiving, after all, is also a great form of giving.
To dare can be humility you wonder? Yes, because sometimes to dare something can be an act of faith in a greater power which you know will greatly benefit you. You just have to dare to do something.
I raised the question above about what your true self is. Even in astrology, don’t they identify certain signs as more daring, outgoing and adventurous, while other signs are more contemplative, home-bound and less active physically? We can immediately discern also that not to dare can be the right thing for certain types. I am not saying they should never dare or never not dare, but that the daring or lack thereof should always be in harmony with who you are, and not diminish or stunt your spiritual growth in any way.
Others prefer to get out of their comfort zones as much as possible, no matter the opposition, persecution, ridicule, and other negative reactions or opinions they may encounter. They dare enough because they are driven by an inner urge, a sense of mission and raison d’être. They often become heroes and heroines of one kind or another. Great achievers.
The problem is that we do not normally celebrate the quieter accomplishments of those who are not in the limelight, yet accomplish a lot in their own way.
And how do you measure accomplishment? Becoming super rich? Super famous? A hero in others’ eyes? A Saint? I would say: No, because to me what is the most important thing during this earthly life is the development of the heart, your level of unconditional love, and not to dare may in many cases just accomplish that.
How do you grow spiritually and raise your vibrations? Lots of people use these terms nowadays, but may be confused about how to do this and what it means. It simply means: realizing that life is not about you, but is about others, and what you do for others you do for yourself, and this includes daring as well “Daring not to dare.”
The new insight from both quantum physics and spiritual masters is that “We are all One”. This “New Gospel” as labeled by Neale Donald Walsch means that any idea of separation is an illusion. As he says: Thus “I am what God is, and God is what I am,” or restated: “We are what God is, and God is who we are”. There is no place or thing where or what God is not. And what we do for others, we do for ourselves, and what we do for ourselves, we do for others. And this remains the crucial question in the pondering whether “To Dare or Not to Dare”: that is the question à la Shakespeare.
Not to dare is thus also actually a form of courage, including the courage not to worry about opinions, and we shouldn’t confuse the daring types as the only ones with courage. I think this little article has made that crystal clear already.
So, you see, not daring may very well be the coolest daring you have ever done! So, sometimes we can tell each other: “I dare you not to dare!”
